3 New Life Rules

Everyday Negotiations| Get Promoted At Work| Influence

October 15, 2024•3 min read

3 new life rules

Getting them tattooed on my brain.

1. Make the biggest promises you can keep.
2. Don't make promises you can't keep.
3. Keep the promises you make.

Here's how to follow them.
(With scripts you can use today).

Rule 1: Make the biggest promises you can keep.

Why make big promises?

Making big promises earns you the right to ask for big rewards.
...IF you keep those promises.

Thing is, there's a timing issue.

You can't just make big promises all the time.

For any kind of project, deliverable, or piece of work, there's an optimal promise sequence:
Big, small, Big.

1. Make big promises before starting. This gets you more buy-in.
2. Lower expectations right when you start (under-promise to over-deliver).
3. Once you know you're doing well (and hopefully you are), hype it up at the finish.

The bigger promises you make (and keep), the better your reputation gets.
The better your reputation, the easier it is to get buy-in.
But sometimes you need to really sell an idea.

So here's a script for making a big promise:

🗣 "You might not believe me, and you're free to say no of course."
🗣 "But if I can [deliver big promise], would that be valuable to you?"

If they say yes, then you're in a position to ask for something in return, contingent on good results.

Rule 2: Don't make bad promises.

You're about to learn how to do that.

Saying no is hard for most of us.
We don't want to burn bridges.
So we say yes accidentally.

Here's a simple script for saying No to someone if you don’t want to lose their respect or trust.

Step by step:

1. "I wish I could say yes, but I cant."

2. "I really hate to disappoint you, but right now, it wouldn't be good for either of us if I said yes and couldn't deliver my best [results] for you."

3. "I genuinely care about [you / this], so can I let you know when I'm able to commit again?"

Asking that question at the end is perfection 🤌🏼💋

Rule 3: Keep your promises.

If you're following rule 2, rule 3 is a whole lot easier.
If you don't make bad promises, you tend to keep the ones you make.

But no one is perfect, and you're not gonna be the first person who is. (Sorry)

So here's how to help repair the relationship after breaking a promise.

Step by step:

1. Take full responsibility.
"Look, I'm really sorry. I messed up."

2. Validate their negative feelings.
"You have every right to hate me."

3. Preempt their skepticism.
"You shouldn't trust me right now."

4. (optional) Make another promise.
"But if you let me try again, I'm going to make sure to [deliver XYZ]."

Then make double damn sure you keep that promise!

p.s.

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Dave Wolovsky

I was home schooled until 13 years old. Always a quiet introvert. Overly sensitive to others' discomfort. I was scared to ask for things. Waited for others to offer. Waited and waited. After a horrible job experience... ⚠️ Strangled by my own anxiety. ⚠️ Desperate to impress my bosses. ⚠️ "Stuck it out" until I got physically ill. I realized I needed to grow as a person. To ask for what I needed. To persuade with empathy. To negotiate without conflict. I dove deep into understanding people: ▪︎ Neuroscience (got a masters in it) ▪︎ Positive psychology (a certification) ▪︎ Negotiation (books, courses, teaching). Then I realized lots of people had difficulties like me. And I became committed to helping people get paid what they're worth. An early client got a $35k raise, while cutting back to a 4-day workweek. I wrote down everything we did. Conversations along the way. The mistakes along the way. I created a set of principles. Called it "Empathic Influence & Negotiation." Applied it to salary negotiations. Applied it to job interviews. Applied it to networking. And then I found Mindfulness. That added some next level juice. I created the "Mindful Sprint" process. And now I help talented introverts become Mindful Sprinters. This kind of personal growth creates: ✓ Better job opportunities. ✓ Higher compensations. ✓ Stronger boundaries. Without creating: 🚫 Confrontational situations. 🚫 Resentful relationships. 🚫 Suffocating stress. We navigate social complexities: ▪︎ Being a team player, not a pushover. ▪︎ Asking for a raise collaboratively. ▪︎ Making your value fully visible. With me, you're not getting an extroverted former CEO. I won't insist that you have to "command the room." You ARE getting a partner to help you: ▪︎ Shine a floodlight on your value. ▪︎ Stay authentically introverted. ▪︎ Meet you where you're at. Expect to be empowered: ▪︎ Do things you've never done before. ▪︎ Learn the science of negotiation. ▪︎ Experience true mindfulness.

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I was home schooled until 13 years old.

Always a quiet introvert.

Overly sensitive to others' discomfort.

I was scared to ask for things.

Waited for others to offer.

Waited and waited.

After a horrible job experience...

⚠️ Strangled by my own anxiety.

⚠️ Desperate to impress my bosses.

⚠️ "Stuck it out" until I got physically ill.

I realized I needed to grow as a person.

To ask for what I needed.

To persuade with empathy.

To negotiate without conflict.

I dove deep into understanding people:

▪︎ Neuroscience (got a masters in it)

▪︎ Positive psychology (a certification)

▪︎ Negotiation (books, courses, teaching).

Then I realized lots of people had difficulties like me.

And I became committed to helping people get paid what they're worth.

An early client got a $35k raise, while cutting back to a 4-day workweek.

I wrote down everything we did.

Conversations along the way.

The mistakes along the way.

I created a set of principles.

Called it "Empathic Influence & Negotiation."

Applied it to salary negotiations.

Applied it to job interviews.

Applied it to networking.

And then I found Mindfulness.

That added some next level juice.

I created the "Mindful Sprint" process.

And now I help talented introverts become Mindful Sprinters.

This kind of personal growth creates:

✓ Better job opportunities.

✓ Higher compensations.

✓ Stronger boundaries.

Without creating:

🚫 Confrontational situations.

🚫 Resentful relationships.

🚫 Suffocating stress.

We navigate social complexities:

▪︎ Being a team player, not a pushover.

▪︎ Asking for a raise collaboratively.

▪︎ Making your value fully visible.

With me, you're not getting an extroverted former CEO.

I won't insist that you have to "command the room."

You ARE getting a partner to help you:

▪︎ Shine a floodlight on your value.

▪︎ Stay authentically introverted.

▪︎ Meet you where you're at.

Expect to be empowered:

▪︎ Do things you've never done before.

▪︎ Learn the science of negotiation.

▪︎ Experience true mindfulness.

3 New Life Rules

3 new life rules

p.s.

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