Trying To Hide Nervousness Is What Looks Incompetent

September 23, 2026•1 min read

“I need to sound polished in there.”

If that’s what you’re telling yourself before a skip-level manager meeting, you’ll spend the whole meeting managing your face instead of making your point.

Does being nervous make you look incompetent?

Being nervous doesn’t make you look incompetent. Trying to HIDE nervousness does.

You can’t hide nerves. So what you do is fail to hide it, and that looks like incompetence.

How do you manage nerves before a big meeting?

The first step toward managing nerves is to stop trying to calm down.

You have to make friends with your nerves.

You have to know they’re there, and not be bothered by them.

Where does this come up?

The big moments in between you and your goals:

  • Job interviews
  • Presentations
  • Big meetings
  • Negotiations
  • Pitches

Go quiet in rooms where the senior people are? That’s the kind of thing I help with, at effortwise.com/session

Dave Wolovsky

Dave Wolovsky

I was home schooled until 13 years old. Always a quiet introvert. Overly sensitive to others' discomfort. I was scared to ask for things. Waited for others to offer. Waited and waited. After a horrible job experience... ⚠️ Strangled by my own anxiety. ⚠️ Desperate to impress my bosses. ⚠️ "Stuck it out" until I got physically ill. I realized I needed to grow as a person. To ask for what I needed. To persuade with empathy. To negotiate without conflict. I dove deep into understanding people: ▪︎ Neuroscience (got a masters in it) ▪︎ Positive psychology (a certification) ▪︎ Negotiation (books, courses, teaching). Then I realized lots of people had difficulties like me. And I became committed to helping people get paid what they're worth. An early client got a $35k raise, while cutting back to a 4-day workweek. I wrote down everything we did. Conversations along the way. The mistakes along the way. I created a set of principles. Called it "Empathic Influence & Negotiation." Applied it to salary negotiations. Applied it to job interviews. Applied it to networking. And then I found Mindfulness. That added some next level juice. I created the "Mindful Sprint" process. And now I help talented introverts become Mindful Sprinters. This kind of personal growth creates: ✓ Better job opportunities. ✓ Higher compensations. ✓ Stronger boundaries. Without creating: 🚫 Confrontational situations. 🚫 Resentful relationships. 🚫 Suffocating stress. We navigate social complexities: ▪︎ Being a team player, not a pushover. ▪︎ Asking for a raise collaboratively. ▪︎ Making your value fully visible. With me, you're not getting an extroverted former CEO. I won't insist that you have to "command the room." You ARE getting a partner to help you: ▪︎ Shine a floodlight on your value. ▪︎ Stay authentically introverted. ▪︎ Meet you where you're at. Expect to be empowered: ▪︎ Do things you've never done before. ▪︎ Learn the science of negotiation. ▪︎ Experience true mindfulness.

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I was home schooled until 13 years old.

Always a quiet introvert.

Overly sensitive to others' discomfort.

I was scared to ask for things.

Waited for others to offer.

Waited and waited.

After a horrible job experience...

⚠️ Strangled by my own anxiety.

⚠️ Desperate to impress my bosses.

⚠️ "Stuck it out" until I got physically ill.

I realized I needed to grow as a person.

To ask for what I needed.

To persuade with empathy.

To negotiate without conflict.

I dove deep into understanding people:

▪︎ Neuroscience (got a masters in it)

▪︎ Positive psychology (a certification)

▪︎ Negotiation (books, courses, teaching).

Then I realized lots of people had difficulties like me.

And I became committed to helping people get paid what they're worth.

An early client got a $35k raise, while cutting back to a 4-day workweek.

I wrote down everything we did.

Conversations along the way.

The mistakes along the way.

I created a set of principles.

Called it "Empathic Influence & Negotiation."

Applied it to salary negotiations.

Applied it to job interviews.

Applied it to networking.

And then I found Mindfulness.

That added some next level juice.

I created the "Mindful Sprint" process.

And now I help talented introverts become Mindful Sprinters.

This kind of personal growth creates:

✓ Better job opportunities.

✓ Higher compensations.

✓ Stronger boundaries.

Without creating:

🚫 Confrontational situations.

🚫 Resentful relationships.

🚫 Suffocating stress.

We navigate social complexities:

▪︎ Being a team player, not a pushover.

▪︎ Asking for a raise collaboratively.

▪︎ Making your value fully visible.

With me, you're not getting an extroverted former CEO.

I won't insist that you have to "command the room."

You ARE getting a partner to help you:

▪︎ Shine a floodlight on your value.

▪︎ Stay authentically introverted.

▪︎ Meet you where you're at.

Expect to be empowered:

▪︎ Do things you've never done before.

▪︎ Learn the science of negotiation.

▪︎ Experience true mindfulness.