What to Say When a Client Asks a Frustrating Question

When a client’s question sends you rambling, trying to calm down comes too late. You can’t beat fear and frustration in the moment. What you can do is have one rehearsed phrase ready, so the words slow things down instead of tumbling out, and then ask a clarifying question.

Why do I start rambling when a client questions me?

Stressful meetings with clients. You’ve been hit with a question that made you start rambling.

Something like:

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

• You can’t ignore them.
• You can’t say “Shut it, fool!”
• You can’t say “I don’t know, FFS!”

The truth is: you make recommendations you THINK will work.

But you can’t really be SURE sure.

So suddenly you find yourself:

• Rambling
• Deflecting
• Floating into the Astral plane

“How did I get here?”

What actually happens in the moment you start rambling?

Let’s replay it in slow-mo.

There are 4 moments that got us here:

1. What they said.
2. What you’re feeling.
3. Your reaction to the feeling.
4. The words now tumbling out.

3 is where the problem really starts.

You notice the frustration, fear, etc., and try to calm down.

But it’s too late.

Why doesn’t trying to calm down work?

You can’t beat fear and frustration.

It’s Fearstration.

And while you’re fighting it, your mouth keeps making sounds.

If you and me are in a session, we’re training moment 3, your reaction to the feeling. We’re training you to not get hijacked in those moments.

But in this post, I can give you help for moment 4. The words.

What should I say when a question makes my mind go blank?

If you have a rehearsed phrase to slow things down, it can give you enough time to regain your focus.

One phrase, rehearsed until it can bubble up when your mind goes blank. Here are 2 ideas:

1. “Good question. Let’s look at the details.”
2. “Good question. Let’s look at the bigger picture.”

How do I make the phrase show up under pressure?

Say your phrase out loud 5 times before your next meeting.

In the car, in the hallway, wherever.

What do I do after the phrase?

After saying it, you might realize something powerful:

You don’t actually know what they’re asking, or why.

So you ask a clarifying question.

“Which part is most important to you?”

And that’s how you take back control.

1. Slow things down.
2. Clarify their perspective.
3. Take a breath and listen.

The frustration will still show up.

But the prepared phrase helps you slow things down.

If you don’t think a phrase is enough for you, tell me what you’re dealing with: effortwise.com/session