Person happy to be complimented

The Art of Influential Compliments

Everyday Negotiations| Get Promoted At Work
June 05, 2024•2 min read

The Art of Influential Compliments

Giving compliments can backfire. It can feel like flattery. Manipulative.

Especially when the person is "above" you in a hierarchy (e.g. your boss).

But if you're good at compliments, you can influence pretty much anyone.

Why? Everyone's DESPERATE for genuine praise.

Everyone:

● Your restaurant waiters

● Your significant other

● Your child's teacher

● Your direct boss

● Their boss

● The CEO

Everyone you know. Completely desperate.

They WANT to receive praise.

But they're also highly suspicious of it.

So how do you give compliments that are:

● Genuine?

● Effective?

● Influential?

Turns out there's an easy trick to it. See if you can spot it.

⛔️ Bad Compliment:

"Wow Sandy, your speech was amazing!"

✅️ Good Compliment:

"Wow Sandy, it takes a lot of skill to give a speech like that!"

Did you see it? Let's try another.

⛔️ Bad Compliment:

"Wow boss, you really know how to handle upset customers!"

✅️ Good Compliment:

"Wow boss, it takes a lot of poise to handle an upset customer like that!"

I bet you got it this time!

Here's the difference between the bad examples and the good examples:

⛔️ Bad Compliment:

Focused on the person. What they have, or what they did.

✅️ Good Compliment:

Focused on the positive qualities needed to do what they did.

When you focus on the person, they feel your spotlight on them.

It's uncomfortable for most people.

● They're likely to feel defensive.

● They may feel manipulated.

● Even if you don't mean to.

If you focus on positive qualities, it feels more objective.

● You're not judging them directly.

● You're judging what's needed to do what they did.

They'll see the positive qualities in their mind and be happy they have them.

They'll feel good about themselves, and they'll associate you with the positive emotion they feel.

You can go and use this today.

Warmly,

Dave Wolovsky
Your Career Growth Engineer

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I was home schooled until 13 years old. Always a quiet introvert. Overly sensitive to others' discomfort. I was scared to ask for things. Waited for others to offer. Waited and waited. After a horrible job experience... ⚠️ Strangled by my own anxiety. ⚠️ Desperate to impress my bosses. ⚠️ "Stuck it out" until I got physically ill. I realized I needed to grow as a person. To ask for what I needed. To persuade with empathy. To negotiate without conflict. I dove deep into understanding people: ▪︎ Neuroscience (got a masters in it) ▪︎ Positive psychology (a certification) ▪︎ Negotiation (books, courses, teaching). Then I realized lots of people had difficulties like me. And I became committed to helping people get paid what they're worth. An early client got a $35k raise, while cutting back to a 4-day workweek. I wrote down everything we did. Conversations along the way. The mistakes along the way. I created a set of principles. Called it "Empathic Influence & Negotiation." Applied it to salary negotiations. Applied it to job interviews. Applied it to networking. And then I found Mindfulness. That added some next level juice. I created the "Mindful Sprint" process. And now I help talented introverts become Mindful Sprinters. This kind of personal growth creates: ✓ Better job opportunities. ✓ Higher compensations. ✓ Stronger boundaries. Without creating: 🚫 Confrontational situations. 🚫 Resentful relationships. 🚫 Suffocating stress. We navigate social complexities: ▪︎ Being a team player, not a pushover. ▪︎ Asking for a raise collaboratively. ▪︎ Making your value fully visible. With me, you're not getting an extroverted former CEO. I won't insist that you have to "command the room." You ARE getting a partner to help you: ▪︎ Shine a floodlight on your value. ▪︎ Stay authentically introverted. ▪︎ Meet you where you're at. Expect to be empowered: ▪︎ Do things you've never done before. ▪︎ Learn the science of negotiation. ▪︎ Experience true mindfulness.

Dave Wolovsky

I was home schooled until 13 years old. Always a quiet introvert. Overly sensitive to others' discomfort. I was scared to ask for things. Waited for others to offer. Waited and waited. After a horrible job experience... ⚠️ Strangled by my own anxiety. ⚠️ Desperate to impress my bosses. ⚠️ "Stuck it out" until I got physically ill. I realized I needed to grow as a person. To ask for what I needed. To persuade with empathy. To negotiate without conflict. I dove deep into understanding people: ▪︎ Neuroscience (got a masters in it) ▪︎ Positive psychology (a certification) ▪︎ Negotiation (books, courses, teaching). Then I realized lots of people had difficulties like me. And I became committed to helping people get paid what they're worth. An early client got a $35k raise, while cutting back to a 4-day workweek. I wrote down everything we did. Conversations along the way. The mistakes along the way. I created a set of principles. Called it "Empathic Influence & Negotiation." Applied it to salary negotiations. Applied it to job interviews. Applied it to networking. And then I found Mindfulness. That added some next level juice. I created the "Mindful Sprint" process. And now I help talented introverts become Mindful Sprinters. This kind of personal growth creates: ✓ Better job opportunities. ✓ Higher compensations. ✓ Stronger boundaries. Without creating: 🚫 Confrontational situations. 🚫 Resentful relationships. 🚫 Suffocating stress. We navigate social complexities: ▪︎ Being a team player, not a pushover. ▪︎ Asking for a raise collaboratively. ▪︎ Making your value fully visible. With me, you're not getting an extroverted former CEO. I won't insist that you have to "command the room." You ARE getting a partner to help you: ▪︎ Shine a floodlight on your value. ▪︎ Stay authentically introverted. ▪︎ Meet you where you're at. Expect to be empowered: ▪︎ Do things you've never done before. ▪︎ Learn the science of negotiation. ▪︎ Experience true mindfulness.

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I was home schooled until 13 years old.

Always a quiet introvert.

Overly sensitive to others' discomfort.

I was scared to ask for things.

Waited for others to offer.

Waited and waited.

After a horrible job experience...

⚠️ Strangled by my own anxiety.

⚠️ Desperate to impress my bosses.

⚠️ "Stuck it out" until I got physically ill.

I realized I needed to grow as a person.

To ask for what I needed.

To persuade with empathy.

To negotiate without conflict.

I dove deep into understanding people:

▪︎ Neuroscience (got a masters in it)

▪︎ Positive psychology (a certification)

▪︎ Negotiation (books, courses, teaching).

Then I realized lots of people had difficulties like me.

And I became committed to helping people get paid what they're worth.

An early client got a $35k raise, while cutting back to a 4-day workweek.

I wrote down everything we did.

Conversations along the way.

The mistakes along the way.

I created a set of principles.

Called it "Empathic Influence & Negotiation."

Applied it to salary negotiations.

Applied it to job interviews.

Applied it to networking.

And then I found Mindfulness.

That added some next level juice.

I created the "Mindful Sprint" process.

And now I help talented introverts become Mindful Sprinters.

This kind of personal growth creates:

✓ Better job opportunities.

✓ Higher compensations.

✓ Stronger boundaries.

Without creating:

🚫 Confrontational situations.

🚫 Resentful relationships.

🚫 Suffocating stress.

We navigate social complexities:

▪︎ Being a team player, not a pushover.

▪︎ Asking for a raise collaboratively.

▪︎ Making your value fully visible.

With me, you're not getting an extroverted former CEO.

I won't insist that you have to "command the room."

You ARE getting a partner to help you:

▪︎ Shine a floodlight on your value.

▪︎ Stay authentically introverted.

▪︎ Meet you where you're at.

Expect to be empowered:

▪︎ Do things you've never done before.

▪︎ Learn the science of negotiation.

▪︎ Experience true mindfulness.